FIND A WAY , milan

[LANDON MALCOLM ANDERSON]

they'd been home for less than a week. they left paradise less than a week ago and already things were going to hell. not for landon, though. he'd spent the last few days usually, being lazy, looking for a job to keep him busy until his country called for him. he slept in, watched sports center in the afternoon, sat at his computer for an hour or so a day, ate, drank, showered, and slept. usual. this particular tuesday, though, was different. he decided that watching a rerun on sports center was pointless and switched the news on. there it was. there he was: gone.

he didn't bother to care if his hair fell wrong or if his shirt was wrinkled or if his socks matched, he dressed quickly and took off. he felt as if they had switched roles. a little less than two weeks ago, milan had run to him. now he was running to her. in this case, it wasn't the weather that was rainy, it was the reason. he'd met her father before, they'd chatted and spoke and debated about things like war and crime and milan. he was a good man, good for a laugh. you'd expect an army man to be intimidating and frightening to a boy with landon's reputation after his daughter. but he had been a good man, a good father. he cared more about what milan wanted than what she should want.

he ran, the sounds of his sneakers echoing as they smacked the pavement. he stumbled a little on the stairs to her place, catching himself just before he hit the ground, and held onto the door knob before knocking, knocking quick and hard. the second she opened the door, he wrapped and arm around her middle and placed a hand at the back of her neck, pulling her into a hug. i'm so sorry, mil, he apologized, stroking her hair and kissing the top of her head. i am so sorry, mil.

[MILAN NICOLE PRESCOTT]

Milan hadn't really wanted to answer the door when she first heard a knock. Her mother was off somewhere, taking care of some errands, which left Milan alone. Journalists from newspapers kept calling and coming to her home, along with people from television stations. As a journalist, Mil understood the business aspect of this. They only wanted to get a good story from a good source, which would be her. And the story would be of interest, Milan, the New York Time's writer who was one of these people had a father pass away. But her father wasn't just anybody to them. He was the General Commander of the US Army which meant a lot of people know him, or knew of him. But as the daughter, Mil couldn't understand how anybody could be so heartless about expecting quotes so soon. She wasn't ready to talk, so the line had gotten unplugged, and she stopped checking her cell phone for calls too.

So when the knock was first heard, she thought it would be one of them and she got up slowly, ready to ask them if they could give her time before talking, she really couldn't talk now. To her surprise though, it wasn't some news reporter or some tv anchor person wanting to talk to her again. It was Landon. She really shouldn't have been surprised that he would come, he did know her father after all and met him plenty of times when they had been together. But the surprise was still there.

Mil just stood there in shock when she first saw him, but then he pulled her into a hug. When he pulled her into a hug, she forgot about the shock and closed her eyes. Suddenly she was very exhausted. She had been crying since the night before when she first found out, and thought she was all out of tears. But apparently not because once mil buried her head into his shoulder, she started crying again, as if she wouldn't be able to stop. Mil never cried this much in her life before, not even when Ryan was first gone. She tried to answer his apologies, but held onto him instead.

[LANDON MALCOLM ANDERSON]

milan was beautiful, yes. on the petite side, yes. she could be mistaken as weak, but landon knew that she was tough. tough as nails most days, though he'd seen her have a few weak moments before. nothing compared to this. as soon as her head fell against his chest, she started crying. her body shook and the chest of his shirt grew damp where tears and snot and spit gathered. usually he'd be grossed out. usually, he'd run at the first sign of tears. not today, not with milan, not with this situation. he closed the front door behind him, and moved his arm lower, from the small of her back to just underneath her bum. he stopped stroking her hair briefly to grasp her middle, lifting her bridal style in his arms and carrying her through the house to her bedroom where she could lay.

he made a few assumptions he was rather sure were correct. she'd been crying and in shock since the news and hadn't eaten or slept. she'd be tired and weak and famished and the last thing he wanted to do was making her stand in the door way, depending on landon to hold her up. instead, he sat at the end of her bed, cradling her in his arms. landon was a tool to most. even those who he found himself attracted to. he wasn't sure what his issue was, but he was pretty sure that milan was some sort of dose of the cute. he found it extremely hard to be rude or cruel or anything but generous around her. especially now. especially when all he wanted to do was hold her until she stopped crying and he was sure she wanted him to do so, too.

shh, he whispered into her hair, once again running his fingers through her dark curls. it's alright, it was one of those stupid things people say when things aren't alright. it'll be alright, he corrected. your man was a great man. honest, hard working, a fighter. if there's a heaven, your dad has a reservation. if reincarnation is real, he'll come back as a king or something, he wasn't sure what to say. he wanted to take her mind off of things, but he wanted milan to know that he had a bit of faith and that he had good thoughts about her father. it'll be alright, mil, he muttered again. i'm here for you. whatever you need.

[MILAN NICOLE PRESCOTT]

Milan was too tired to really notice that she was being picked up and carried by Landon bridal style. She didn’t notice that she was in her room either. All the other surroundings just seemed to have disappeared on her even though she was in her own house. She was aware that she was close to landon now and she didn’t want to slip away. Ever since she had gotten the news of her father’s death, Milan hadn’t been much like herself at all. She was crying almost every minute, and she hadn’t eaten much of anything. Her mother made her eat something earlier that morning, though mil didn’t know what it was really. It hadn’t tasted that good, just like cardboard or something that was really hard to swallow. And water was so tasteless.

For several moments after landon cradled her in his arms, mil continued crying still. The feeling that she felt inside was almost like a broken heart, only she wasn’t sure if this one would ever be mended again. The feeling was way worse than a broken heart though. It was grief, and mil didn’t like it very much because she felt so powerless, not herself. Her mother hadn’t been taking the news well at all either, but she hadn’t been able to help Milan yet. At landon’s words, mil tried calming down and took a few shaky breaths, but it wasn’t much use. ” I-I k-know t-that,” she began, but talking hurt the most. She closed her eyes while tears streamed down her face. A few moments later she took a few shaky breaths and spoke a bit clearer this time. ”I- I believe that too. I just feel so broken.. I don’t feel like I can ever stop all this crying. I-“ mil let herself trail off and focused on trying to relax again.

Landon sometimes seemed to be the one person that understood mil most of the time. the past few weeks since he had been back they had been spending a lot of time together, before Greece, and in Greece. And now he came for this. Mil never thought that he was that bad of a guy. Most of the time she could put up with how he was, they just thought they would be better off as friends. And maybe they were. The past few weeks made her doubt that though. She managed to lift her head up to look up at him. ”Thank you,” she murmured softly. Things definitely weren’t better now, but she was really grateful that he was here at the time she needed somebody the most.

[LANDON MALCOLM ANDERSON]

she was out of it, he could tell. he was trying to keep his cool for her, to be stable for her. he was having a hard time being calm and being still while she sobbed. she'd always been so strong and so confident and unfaltering. he'd felt guilty after they'd made love - which he'd started to refer to it; slept together, had sex together, fucked, screwed..none sounded appropriate enough - he'd felt guilty. he'd seduced her with his words, and though he'd been honest, he felt like he'd used a cheat code to skip a few rounds. she let him in, let him see and feel and know her in a different, more intimate manner than she did with most. he felt like this was another one of those more intimate manners than most had seen. this one didn't feel as much like a gift, though.

he didn't blame her. he hated his parents, but if he'd had a father as kind and strong and dependable as milan's father, he'd probably cry, too. he continued to stroke milan's hair, whispering a few words of reassurance into her hair, kissing the top her head occasionally, and wiping at her face every couple of minutes. she was a mess and he was trying hard to make the recovery as painless as possible. shh, he whispered, reassuring her that she didn't have to talk if she didn't feel up to it. i'm just here to be here. you don't need to talk or entertain me. i'm happy just being your pillow. he kissed the top of her head, her hairline, her forehead, either cheek - both moist and salty - and kissed her lips briefly, before hugging her close.

the pain's going to stop eventually. you're never going to stop missing him, but you won't ache eventually. i'm not sure when or how or why it stops hurting, but it does. i'll be here for you until then and after then. he shook his head. don't thank me. i don't need your thanks. i just need you to be okay, ya know?

[MILAN NICOLE PRESCOTT]

milan had her head resting on his shoulder while she listened to his words he said. tears still streamed down her cheeks, but she was trying to be calm again. she hated losing her cool like this, but she had a good reason to lose it. and for whatever reason, landon was here, keeping his cool for her. after he kissed her lips very briefly, milan lifted her head up a little and kissed the side of his cheek before closing her eyes and hugging him back.

being in his presence and having him hold her close to him was nice, soothing. it wasn't enough to make the pain go away yet, to be honest mil didn't know when that would start to go away yet. but his words were also calming her down, a little. Her breathing was becoming a bit steady when she heard his last words, about him needing her to be ok again. mil tilted her head upward to look up at him. " why?" she asked softly. " why do you need me to be ok again? why are you caring so much? why are you caring more than you did when we were together?" mil wasn't too sure about that last part, but since they had started hanging out and being together more, it did feel like that was a bit of the case. in her defense, milan was the same way too. she had opened up more towards him, and she was letting him see her like this.. mil let out a sigh and waited for a response.

[LANDON MALCOLM ANDERSON]

he was partially peeved that she had to go and questions his actions, but he honestly couldn't call her out for it be angry. she was hurt, for one, and he'd been asking himself those same questions lately, for two. he sighed and ran a hand through her hair. i don't know, mil, he muttered. he'd been worried at first that he'd only felt more open and comfortable this time around now that they were having sex, but while running to her that morning he knew it wasn't that. he cared about her, he could care less about their sex life. i learned from my mistakes, maybe? we're grown up, it's about time i acted like one? i have no idea why, mil. maybe there is no reason. all i know is that i want what i want and what i want right now is for you to be alright.

you ask too many questions, you know that? he ran his hand through her hair again, moving her head to lay on his chest and laid them both back, his head hitting her pillow.

[MILAN NICOLE PRESCOTT]

milan almost wished that she didnt ask her questions, but as a journalist asking questions was like second nature to her, even in life situations like this. she listened as he answered them. she was quiet for a few moments before answering. "you have grown up landon anderson," she could tell that he did, and he also has changed.

mil couldn't help but give a soft shaky laugh when he told her that she asked too many questions. she made herself comfortable again on top of him when he laid back on her bed and hugged him again. " I'm sorry for that... Bee says I shouldn't think about stuff more often... she may be right." mil closed her eyes, wanting to stay awake, but she felt like she was dying of exhaustion. she hadnt slept a wink the past few days and it was finally catching up to her. "I'm so tired," she murmured softly. "I haven't slept since.." mil trailed off, unable to finish the sentence she had been about to say.